It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
