i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
