can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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