I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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