Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
