how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
