..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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