yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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