remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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