Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
