I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am naked and annoyed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
