I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
