If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
