I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
