so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
