Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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