Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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