do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
