I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
