how can u be prego again
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
