A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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