i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
