3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
