I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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