we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
