I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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