I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
