she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
