your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
