I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
