im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
