So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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