I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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