But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
