Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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