Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
