Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
