This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
