Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
