Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
