i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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