You can't special order awesome
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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