what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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