I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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