is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
