i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
