So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
