Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
