first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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