Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
