Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
