Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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