I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
